{"id":7,"date":"2007-05-13T00:00:31","date_gmt":"2007-05-13T04:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/?p=7"},"modified":"2022-11-29T11:01:18","modified_gmt":"2022-11-29T16:01:18","slug":"the-preacher","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/articles\/the-preacher\/","title":{"rendered":"The Preacher"},"content":{"rendered":"

T<\/strong><\/span>he red and green carpet bag glanced off Earl\u2019s shoulder. He could almost swear the Wells Fargo man had deliberately aimed his baggage directly at him. Well, forgive and forget<\/em>, the good book says. He picked up the bag and headed in search of a hotel. He found one, though the accommodations were not to his liking. After stowing his belongings, he headed out to explore the new town. The Jupiter saloon was directly in the middle of things. Reluctantly, he pushed open the swinging doors and went inside.<\/p>\n

As with all saloons, this one had a long narrow bar alongside the wall to his left. To his right, were a collection of chairs and tables. No two of them matched. Most of the chairs were occupied by men drinking and playing faro. A painting of a naked woman hung prominently above the bar. Behind the bar, stood a barkeep\u2014a tall fellow with dark hair parted down the middle and a well-kept handlebar moustache. At the end of the bar stood a very pretty, red-haired saloon girl in a blue dress that revealed far too much cleavage. He certainly had his work cut-out for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Earl Calumet,\u201d he declared to the barkeep.<\/p>\n

The bartender nodded. \u201cOur new preacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would be me. Would you give me a lot of harassment if I ordered a sarsparilla?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cReverend Calumet, this is Rock Springs, the friendliest town in Wyoming. You can drink whatever you want here, as long as we got it,\u201d the saloon girl advised him.<\/p>\n

The barkeep popped open a bottle and placed it in front of Earl. \u201cYou need a glass?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d The sweet beverage tasted good after the long stage ride. \u201cLast place, they tried to pull my pants down cause I don\u2019t drink,\u201d he announced after a few gulps.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not very friendly,\u201d the saloon girl said. \u201cWe wouldn\u2019t do that.\u201d She moved uncomfortably close. \u201cHeck, I kind of like a sarsparilla now and then. I\u2019m Charlotte.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Reverend Earl Calumet, ma\u2019am.\u201d They didn\u2019t have women like her back home, at least not so public. He tried to remind himself things were different out west. To his relief, she smiled and retreated farther down the bar.<\/p>\n

She was showing something to the barkeep. Charlotte was clutching a golden coin-like object she wore on a chain around her neck. \u201cSee, Adam gave me this. It\u2019s gold.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight pretty,\u201d the barkeep agreed.<\/p>\n

A familiar tune started playing on the piano. He\u2019d nearly finished his drink as he turned toward the piano at the back of the saloon. Then, his sensibilities were offended\u2014not by the piano, but by its player. The piano player was not using a stool and was, in fact, only three feet tall. This was a piano player with yellow, glowing eyes, green skin, and a rounded head with two antennae sticking out of it. The bottle made a loud thud when it hit the floor. \u201cJumping Lucifer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s Adam,\u201d Charlotte consoled him. \u201cHe likes to play the piano.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSatan\u2019s work!\u201d<\/p>\n

She proved quite strong for a woman as she dragged him toward this hell-spawn with yellow glowing eyes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cNo, no, no,\u201d she grabbed his hand. \u201cHere, I\u2019ll show you.\u201d She proved quite strong for a woman as she dragged him toward this hell-spawn with yellow glowing eyes. \u201cAdam, this here\u2019s Earl, our new preacher.\u201d She tried to pull Earl\u2019s hand forward and extended one with four fingers, if you could call them fingers, to meet it.<\/p>\n

Earl pulled back. \u201cTarnation.\u201d<\/p>\n

The little green man said. \u201cThey call me Adam because they cannot pronounce my name.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s from a planet in outer space,\u201d Charlotte explained. She pointed upward. \u201cWay off out yonder, somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA Martian?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cNo, from Kalar.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMuch farther away,\u201d Adam added. \u201cIn another solar system. Very far away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDevil\u2019s doings, I say,\u201d Earl proclaimed. He noticed everyone else was drifting away from him. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you people, cavorting with that?\u201d He pointed at Adam. \u201cThat, thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMister,\u201d the barkeep said, \u201cAdam\u2019s been coming here for years, whenever he\u2019s passing through. You, we just met you. If you\u2019re wanting us to take up sides, you may be kind of disappointed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Earl stormed back to his room at the hotel. If only he hadn\u2019t been fired in Louisiana. He buried his hands in his face. \u201cMartians running around as plain as day.\u201d He looked out the window, which faced the saloon across the street. That soiled dove was taking that Adam up the stairs\u2014by the hand. \u201cSurely not!\u201d He felt like he was going to throw up and raced for the privy.<\/p>\n

L<\/strong><\/span>ater that evening, Earl had swallowed about three pieces of steak at the Rapids Caf\u00e9 when the door opened and that saloon girl entered. A moment later, she was followed by Adam. They took a table across the room from him. He gobbled down another piece of steak, but had lost his appetite. Earl angrily threw his napkin on the table and marched out of the restaurant. The thought of a common whore eating in a public restaurant was bad enough, but eating with that thing was simply too much for him.<\/p>\n

He sulked on his bed for, perhaps, twenty minutes, when there was a loud, sharp knock at the door. He wandered over and opened it.<\/p>\n

A tall man wearing a leather vest with a shiny silver star pinned to it stood on the other side of the threshold. He moved into the room without waiting for an invite. \u201cAre you the Reverend Earl Clement?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Marshal Virgil Sampson.\u201d He took a quick glance around the room. \u201cIs there some reason you didn\u2019t pay for your meal this evening?\u201d<\/p>\n

Until that moment, he hadn\u2019t even thought of it. \u201cI forgot. I was, uh, distracted.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow so?\u201d the marshal asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, this Adam creature, I seem to have more of a problem with him than you lot do. The thought of him touching that girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see. Well, I\u2019m sure if I run over the money they\u2019ll be happy to forget the whole thing,\u201d the marshal suggested.<\/p>\n

Earl fumbled around and counted out some coins. He handed them over.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister, it\u2019s not really my business, but are you sure you\u2019re cut out to be a man of the cloth?\u201d the marshal asked..<\/p>\n

It was incredible. Earl\u2019s voice was crackling. \u201cWith that<\/em>? You see nothing wrong with that<\/em> running around. Would you want a woman who\u2019s been with that<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s a prostitute, mister. Lots of men have been with her. In case you haven\u2019t noticed, there ain\u2019t a lot of women around these parts. You could be a bit more understanding. Adam\u2019s been coming here for years. You, I just met you. Don\u2019t be asking me to take up sides.\u201d<\/p>\n

Earl stretched back out on the bed. His anger eventually gave way to sleep.<\/p>\n

The next morning, Earl was up bright and early. He strolled along, whistling, toward the church. It was a blue and white building with an impressive steeple. His sprits nearly soared when he caught a glimpse of stained glass. It was even better than he\u2019d hoped. His pace quickened. He nearly ran, at least until he got to the edge of the property. Then, his mood quickly plummeted back to reality.<\/p>\n

A hundred yards across the road from the church stood a very unusual contraption. It was silver and sparkly all over. It was nearly round with three legs holding it upright. The whole thing was nearly fifty feet in diameter. As if to taunt him, a stairway emerged from the side of it and two giggling women descended. One of them was Charlotte, the other one he did not recognize. They were followed by Adam. Charlotte gave him a kiss on the side of his green head and both of them started walking back toward town. The alien looked straight at Earl, then went back inside the shiny contraption.<\/p>\n

Earl went into the church. The little church was immaculate. And, it even had real stained glass. The St. James Bible<\/em> at the pulpit was massive. It would make a good thud if too many parishioners drifted off during his sermon. He slid his revolver next to it, then started arranging and tidying things up to his liking.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d worked for an hour, or so, then, suddenly, he sensed he was no longer alone. He looked up and noticed two antennae sticking out of the head of the shadow. Earl slowly turned and saw the backlit alien standing in the middle of the church. The rear door was still open, making Adam appear as more of a silhouette. The alien had never made a sound.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou got some nerve coming in here!\u201d Earl challenged.<\/p>\n

Adam said, \u201cI read your Bible last night.\u201d<\/p>\n

It sounded preposterous to Earl. \u201cYou read the whole Bible<\/em> last night?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. There are some mistakes in it I was curious about,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

He pointed a shaking finger at Adam. \u201cYou come in God\u2019s house and blaspheme the good book. Enough is enough.\u201d Earl grabbed the revolver from the pulpit and pointed it at Adam\u2019s head..<\/p>\n

Adam was pointing back with a cylindrical object he hadn\u2019t had before. There was a flash of light and the front half of Earl\u2019s Frontier .45 was suddenly missing. The back half was suddenly so hot he had to throw it away.<\/p>\n

Earl scratched his head. He didn\u2019t recall seeing Adam actually leave.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cWhat in tarnation?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRay gun,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough is enough!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree. It is customary for two men to face each other on Main Street.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot facing that devil ray,\u201d Earl said.<\/p>\n

\u201cRevolvers will do. At noon.\u201d The door closed.<\/p>\n

Earl scratched his head. He didn\u2019t recall seeing Adam actually leave.<\/p>\n

At two minutes before noon, Earl was standing on Main Street with a borrowed revolver. A number of town folk were loitering about. The big clock above the bank chimed twelve times. When it stopped, Earl yelled \u201cWhere\u2019s that demon from hell?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight behind you,\u201d Adam replied. He was wearing a gray Stetson hat, sort of tilted over his antennae. He had a revolver strapped on his side. It was a small revolver, the same shiny color as the big round thing parked near the church.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat one of them four shot guns?\u201d Earl asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI only need one.\u201d Adam moved his strange four-fingered hand near the butt of the gun and slowly backed away from Earl.<\/p>\n

Earl grabbed at his gun. He only got it halfway out of the holster before the bullet from Adam\u2019s gun tore through his left eye. Little bastard\u2019s fast<\/em>, was the last thought the Reverend Earl Clement ever had. He was dead before his body hit the ground.<\/p>\n

A<\/strong><\/span>dam set up the pieces on the checkerboard. So few humans could play chess. Fewer still could play it well. He looked forward to these sessions. Right on time, the lanky form of Town Marshal Virgil Sampson slid into the chair across from him. Adam placed the empty beer glass on the table and let out a loud belch. \u201cGood drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

Virgil opened with a pawn. Adam did likewise. Virgil brought out a knight. Adam moved a bishop.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, folks are talking,\u201d Marshal Sampson said. \u201cThat\u2019s the third preacher you killed, now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe had it coming,\u201d Adam replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t sayin\u2019 he didn\u2019t. Ain\u2019t sayin\u2019 that at all. What I am sayin,\u201d he brought out his other knight, \u201cis folks are a might bit concerned. I\u2019m a lawman and I never even shot anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam moved out his queen, which surprised his opponent. \u201cDo you want me to leave? I\u2019ll leave anyway, not come back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNobody\u2019s sayin\u2019 that. Can you, maybe, be a little less quick to shoot it out with every small-minded jackass who comes through town? That\u2019s all I\u2019m sayin,\u2019 Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have considered stopping in Chicago, next time through.\u201d<\/p>\n

The marshal pointed out, \u201cThat\u2019s your right, but big city folk aren\u2019t as friendly as we are here in Rock Springs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow unfortunate.\u201d Adam moved his queen again. \u201cCheckmate.\u201d He took his empty beer mug over to the barkeep to get it refilled.<\/p>\n

The next morning, Marshal Sampson was looking over the new edition of the Rock Springs Gazette and sipping a steaming cup of coffee. He was surprised to see Charlotte walking down the street. She wasn\u2019t usually out in the mornings. \u201cMornin\u2019 Miss Charlotte.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stopped for an instant. \u201cMorning, Marshal.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was obvious she\u2019d been crying. \u201cEverything all right?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s gone.\u201d She started crying again. \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019s coming back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay be right,\u201d the marshal agreed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imagine, if you will, a small friendly town, somewhere out West. A friendly little town that’s just plain friendly to everyone, without any alien influence or demonic possession of any kind. Such a town is likely to attract all sorts of weary travellers. — ed. N.E. Lilly<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":203,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,5],"tags":[9],"media":[299],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1222,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions\/1222"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7"},{"taxonomy":"media","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spacewesterns.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?post=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}